Haven’t been here in a minute, geez, I’m so sorry! Hope everyone has been doing well, and life is good for you. It’s been pretty quiet on my side of the screen. Not much has been going on. I’ve just been hanging out, mending relationships, and planting trees.
Something that I have noticed in my life is my affinity for makeup and cosmetology. As time has gone by, I have grown more and more in my “makeup journey” so to say. Why does this matter? Well, I’m getting to that…
Having depression has impacted my self esteem more than words can say. I touch on this in my first Body Journey post but, that was for how I viewed my body. My face is another story. Acne, dark circles, freckles, smile lines, I could go on and on. The only thing I think I have ever loved about my face was my eyebrows. That’s only because I never have to fill them in! HA! As any teen would, I read magazines, I look at photoshopped celebrities, and I see these “flawless” people and wonder why I couldn’t be like that. When I got older and began to understand the concept of photoshop, it was like all hope was lost. So there was no way I could be flawless and perfect all the time?
Then, BAM! I fell in love with makeup. There are plenty of arguments out there on why people don’t like others (males and/or females) wearing makeup. Bad for your skin, super expensive, not “natural”, it’s a lie?? Cause I naturally have glittery eyelids…
But I am not here to argue. There are days I don’t want to do anything with the way I look. I’ll want to just wear sweatpants, tie my hair back and be a lump. On the other hand, there are days where I want to feel better about myself. Knowing that with makeup I can literally turn myself into any aesthetic I want. Dark and sultry, light and cute, neutral and glowing, the possibilities are endless people!!!
So yes. In a way, I am just concealing the fact that I have a lower self-esteem than most. There are days where I can’t leave the house unless I have something on my face. That is my downfall. I am not entirely confident in my own skin yet. I am not perfectly happy with every freckle on my body, nor am I happy with the laughing lines I have near my eyes, or the acne that scatters my face. But it is something that I am willing to work on everyday.
Learning to love yourself is a difficult feat. We all try our very best to do so, and yeah, there are people out there who can naturally wake up and say,
“Hey! I am happy with the way I look!”
I am beyond happy for those people. They are so lucky to be able to have that ability. I don’t have the exact numbers, but I am sure a large population of people can’t, and that is okay! Struggling with depression has taught me probably the most important thing about the way I view myself.
- No one actually cares (if that is what you’re worried about)
Yeah, no one really cares, it actually is just you who overthinks everything. Sure, there may be those people who you THINK are snickering at you, but it’s really because one of them just farted. That may not sound like the best advice in the whole world, but it really has helped me come to terms with the fact that it is only me I have to be concerned about. Only I am the one I have to please, and if that means pounds of makeup to keep me happy, so be it. I am still going to learn to love myself without it, but as long as I am happy, that is all that matters.
What makes you happy/confident with yourself?