I Deserve To Be Comfortable

Where do we draw the line between our own happiness and others opinions? I’ve been trying for the longest time to find that sweet spot. I realize I care too much about others opinions on subjects and how they view me, within my family, my social group, and even people I don’t even know.

Example A.
I shaved my head. Not completely bald, but I definitely look like Teenage Negasonic Warhead from the Deadpool movie. It makes me happy and comfortable with myself, so why should I care? The answer is… I shouldn’t. Easy right?

Could it be a side effect of low self esteem? Maybe. I feel as if my life choices somehow make others uncomfortable and therefore I hate the things that I do. Then *ding*! The lightbulb in my head goes off and I realize that:

  1. This is my life. I can’t live trying to make others happy,
  2. You can’t make 100% of people happy all the time,
  3. I love myself, and I should do what makes me happy.

Example B.
I have struggled with my gender for awhile. You all know this. The way I present myself changes on a day to day basis, sometimes multiple times a day depending on how I feel. I sometimes hold off on that switch because I feel that wearing more masculine clothing makes people around me look at me differently and not see me for… me. But recently I’ve been able to break through that barrier, finally. Realizing that if this makes me comfy, why should I hold back?

This college experience has taught me so much in recent months. I can’t believe I am becoming the person I wanted to be for the longest time.

Where do you draw that happiness/others opinions line?


Hammock, Coffee, and Cold Nights

I missed y’all so much. I’ve been wanting to post for so long, but haven’t found the time. I am truly sorry. But I am here now and I hope everyone has been doing well. I hope you’ve been drinking enough water and getting rest.

So on campus, they had enough funding to buy 10 brand spanking new hammocks! Like wow. This campus is so beautiful and finally being able to spend time outside in this wonderful weather in a comfy seat is glorious. Especially in the morning when the weather is just right, chilling with my coffee and writing my feelings down. It is small things like this that just make you want to think about things, and boy have I been thinking about a lot. There has been so much that has been going on in life honestly. Nothing bad really, quite the opposite. Just a lot of overthinking and stress that makes me worry about having another panic attack.

But I am not that worried.

See the thing is, by me taking all this time to myself, which I don’t do too often, I have been able to reduce a lot of the stress that I have. Taking this time to myself to think and just sit and get the work I have to get done, done, has reduced my stress exponentially. Sure, I’ll have moments of sadness and wanting to pull my hair out, but it is no where as bad as it was. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in some parts of your life to aid other parts of your life. I have finally made myself routines to try and manage everything that I have come across. Social life, studying, sleep. It all fits in somewhere, but sometimes you have to sacrifice one to help the other.

I am absolutely gracious for the family, friends, and wonderful faculty at my school, that will take the time out of their day to actually pull me aside and make sure I am managing my anxiety, and that I am excelling in school as I should be.

What do you do to reduce stress?