A Meditation That Shakes Things UP

By: Olivia 

Some people really aren’t the sit down and feel peaceful about the world sort of people. Sometimes, when I sit down to meditate I just want to roll my eyes and shout at the calming voice telling me to “breathe in and joy” and “breathe out hate”. Luckily, meditations come in all shapes and sizes. Today I want to share with you a mediation that never fails to make me laugh and settle down. It’s called “An honest meditation”.


This meditation uses bad words.

Don’t play it if foul language offends you.

Don’t play it around kids.



Imposter Syndrome

By: Marissa

Spring Break is over, and now it’s back to getting serious! Got to focus on getting this year done and out of the way, and getting ready for next year. I won’t lie, I am very nervous for next year, as I will, hopefully, be writing my thesis and getting the Hell out of here. I’m not saying that I don’t love it here, cause oh my God I do. I have not had more a glorious experience at a school, than I have had here. However, there are things that keep the majority of students from having a really great time here, especially academically. The biggest thing that does that to us, is this thing called Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is where you, a high-achieving individual, feels as if you are a fraud, a sham, a failure. It is where you feel as if you don’t deserve the success you have achieved, or where you can’t even accept the successes you have achieved. The thing is, with Imposter Syndrome, you don’t really discuss your feelings on the subject with others. For the fear of being discovered or seen as a fraud is more important than seeking validation, or even better, help.

I think what gives me the confidence to be able to write this is the fact that I have dealt with Imposter Syndrome for a very long time, not just in my years here at New College of Florida. When I was in elementary school and middle school, I was a very bright student. I still like to think I am, but back then, I felt like I actually knew it and I was confident in my abilities. Around the halfway mark of middle school, I transferred schools to a more demanding charter school on a college campus. I was surrounded by students that were brilliant! Even though I was lopped into that group through the eyes of my peers and mentors, taking high school level math courses in eighth grade, then transferring a year early to the college campus to take math courses.

Needless to say, I have had a lot of accomplishments to be proud of.  The part that freezes all that for me, and makes me feel useless, is I feel that because of my depression and anxiety, I don’t deserve to be at the level I am.

Last semester was a perfect example. I took a class with one of my favorite professors, titled “Religion & Gender.” I passed with flying colors, as my evaluations say, however, going through that class day to day was extremely difficult. Everyday I would walk into class, having something I wanted to discuss from the reading from the night before. I would sit and listen to everyone else first, then toss my ideas out the window. My papers in that class always received a satisfactory, and I always got good comments, but I always felt like a fraud being in that class.

I was the only first year in that class, and of course, the youngest. My peers had more time to really research and read more than I had been able to. There was one girl in the class who I looked up to the most, but made me feel the most insecure about myself. For sake of conversation, let’s call this person Joy.

Joy was very intelligent in this field. She would come to class everyday having something to say about the reading that was so detailed and backed up with information, that it blew my basic comprehension out of the water. I envied Joy for the longest time. One day my professor for that class, Dr. Marks, pulled me aside, realizing that I had issues speaking up in class. She gave me the best academic advice I feel like I have ever received, and that was to set lower expectations for myself, so when I achieve them, I will feel far better about myself, and will eventually be able to reach those higher goals with ease. Dr. Marks, when I told her how I felt about discussing things in class, how I felt about Joy and the other students, told me that basic is just fine. If I wanted to discuss how something made me feel or what I thought right off the bat after reading the first two paragraphs, that was perfectly fine. As long as I try.

As the next semester rolls around, I had the opprotunity to become closer with Joy, and we saw each other more often. One day I told her how I felt about having class with her the semester before, and how I felt being in that class. I told her how I thought she was very smart, but because of that I felt incompetent. She was taken aback, and visually shocked. She told me that she had felt the exact same way about me and what I had to say in that class, and she felt like she wasn’t good enough.

Needless to say, it was a funny encounter.

Imposter Syndrome affects probably every student at my school. I know for me, it really hits hard because I am moving twice the speed through the program, compared to the other first years. Instead of finishing the program in 4 years, I will be done in 2.

I’m already halfway through.

That being said, I feel as if I don’t deserve these achievements I have scored, and I could never be as good as other upper-years. But sometimes I have to take a step back and realized, I have kicked my own ass millions of times to get where I am, and I won’t let those ass kickings be for nothing. Not only that, but I will not let all those years of my mothers motivation be wasted on me failing because I didn’t feel good enough. Because dammit I am good enough, and so are you.

What makes you feel the most insecure? Work? School? Relationships?

Shoutout to New College of Florida for a great first year!

If you would like to read more in detail about Imposter Syndrome click here, to visit the American Psychological Association that has a great outline on what it means to have Imposter Syndrome.

My Top Apps for Mindfulness

By: Olivia

Phones can beep, ding, ring, and do all sorts of useful, yet distracting things. For most people, phones are integral to a well-running day, but sometimes they can be a reminder of how overwhelming life is. Luckily, they can also offer a great many tools that can help in an everyday mindfulness practice. The only way I manage to keep myself on a steady and consistent mindfulness practice schedule is by using an app to help me chart my progress. Some of my favorite apps are:


  • This is such a fantastic place to begin learning about mindfulness in a visually friendly and time efficient way. Headspace begins with 10 basic 10 minute mindfulness meditations interspaced with short videos that explains concepts that will help you find your best state of mind to meditate in. After these first 10 meditations, Headspace then expands and provides different types of meditations for various aspects of your life.
  • The catch? It’s a bit pricy. After the first 10 meditations, a subscription costs anywhere from $6.42/month (for a 2 year subscription) to $12.95/month (for a month bymonth subscription). Still, this is an excellent resource. More info at: https://www.headspace.com/


  • This is the app I rely on the most for daily mindfulness practice. The first 7 meditations are free, and then to buy the total package it’s only around $5. After an intro foundation course, there are other courses available specialized for different things like sleep, stress, anxiety, focus, and happiness. For the foundation course, meditations start out at 10 minutes for the first 7 days, then 15 minutes for the next 7 days, and finally 20 minutes for the last 7 days. This app encourages practicing mindfulness throughout the course of the  day by prompting you to schedule “energizers”. These are extremely short meditations that you can schedule at your convenience throughout the day. More info at: http://awaremeditationapp.com/


  • Free, and super low maintenance. The Chill app has a daily quote that inspires thought and reflection as well as messages that pop up on your phone to remind you to be present -even for just a moment. More info at: http://www.chill-app.com/

Here are a list of some other apps that I’m planning to check out in the future:

  • Wildflowers Mindfulness
  • Stop Breathe and Think: Meditate
  • Mindful Check-In
  • Smiling Mind
  • Daily Mindfulness

I’ll be doing a follow up post later on their pros and cons when I’ve tried some of them.


Have you ever tried any of these apps? Which one did you like best and why?

Time to Think About Thoughts

By: Olivia

“The meeting of two eternities, the past and future…is precisely the present moment.”

–Henry David Thoreau

There are a lot of different ways to think about mindfulness and no one way is better than any other. It helps some people to think of their mind as the sky and of their thoughts as clouds drifting across it, impermanent, transitory, present and then gone. Other people like to think of their thoughts as an excited puppy, constantly peeing on trees and sniffing things it probably shouldn’t be. If the sky analogy helps you, then use it. If the puppy analogy helps you, then use it. Today I’d like to share my favorite way of thinking about my thoughts. Something that really helps me is thinking about thinking in the context of time.

Past Thoughts

It is so easy to get caught up in past thoughts- the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you ever find yourself reminiscing about that awesome date you went on, fuming over how unfair your teacher was, or trying really hard to forget about that embarrassing thing you said to your in laws, then you do this too. Another easy way to get stuck in past thoughts is to hold on to feelings from the past. If someone gets you really angry, and a week later you’re still angry, then you are not experiencing the present moment, you’re experiencing the past.

Future Thoughts

I once heard that the center of your life is what you end up thinking about while you brush your teeth at night. When I brush my teeth, I always find myself thinking about what I’m going to do next. Whenever I have a spare moment it’s always devoted to planning and thinking about the future. This is where anxiety can be a real pain. You can’t control the future, so it’s easy to get caught up in a world of “what ifs”. Yes, it can be extremely useful to think about the future, but if you can’t appreciate the present moment because you’re too busy thinking about what you’re going to buy at the grocery store tomorrow, it’s time to rethink how you’re thinking.

Present Thoughts

I find that for myself, present thoughts actually occur rather rarely. Present thoughts are thoughts like “That cookie smells delicious” and “This hug makes me so happy”. Present thoughts can also be things like “This dentist’s office is striking fear into my soul” or “My heart is beating much faster than usual, I think I might be panicking”. Present thoughts come in all shapes and sizes. They’re important to experience because once they happen, they immediately turn into past thoughts. They’re here, and then they’re gone. And then you have another one, and another one, and another one, and….

Whenever I’m having difficulty with feelings from the past, or anxiety about things in the future, I take a minute to evaluate: am I in any danger right now? If I take five minutes to be present right now, will anything bad happen to me? Almost always, the answer is no. Taking five minutes to only experience present thoughts, to disregard past or future thoughts, is a great way to give yourself a break and I always find that when I do this, I am better able to deal with whatever situation I am having difficulty with.

Forward, Road, Away, Straight, Road Sign

What do you do when you’re overwhelmed with past and future thoughts? Is it difficult for you to be present?

A Video on Mindfulness

By: Olivia 

Today, just a quick post with a link to this great video on mindfulness from a 60 Minutes segment with Anderson Cooper. Many of the most common problems people encounter when first trying mindfulness meditation are addressed. There is also an excellent explanation following up on the neuroscience of mindfulness. I love the attention to mindful eating and walking…more on this in the future!


What Science Says About Mindfulness

By: Olivia

Opinions are great. I like opinions. My opinion on mindfulness is that it’s awesome. But when you’re thinking about trying something new, it’s great to have facts. When it comes to the topic of mindfulness, research is being conducted every day to help us understand it better. In this post I am going to share some of the research that tries to explain exactly what is happening in the brain when mindfulness and meditation are in practice as well as the effects on the brain over periods of time.

I am going to be directly summarizing some of the information in Tang, Holzel, and Posner’s article:

The Neuroscience of Mindfulness Meditation (2015).

For those of you who would like to read the full 13-pages of research and findings, I have included a link directly to the article below, and I strongly encourage you to read it yourself.


The first step the authors take is to remind us of a few very important things:

  1. Research on mindfulness is relatively new,
  2. A lot of the research that actually gets through to publication is likely to show positive results and,
  3. Some  studies don’t use the most thorough methodologies.

Does this mean we can’t trust the research? No, it just means we have to use a critical eye when examining results, and that we have to accept the possibility that research conducted in the future may discover new or conflicting results.  

Moving on…

The authors break down mindfulness into three separate categories: attention control, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. There is a great chart included in the article which helps illustrate this breakdown, shown here as well:


Box 1. Mindfulness meditation.

The second part of the diagram is showing how the stages of practicing mindfulness can be separated into three parts: a beginner level, an intermediate level, and an advanced level. Some findings suggest that the parts of the brain employed during mindfulness practice change as an individual progresses from one level to the next.

First, let’s talk about what a beginner can expect. In studies conducted to test the effects of mindfulness on attention, one week of practice didn’t seem to change anything significantly. Research in the area of self-awareness also doesn’t generate too much interest for the purposes of this summary. In terms of emotional regulation, however, scans of brain activity in beginners showed some interesting results. Areas like the amygdala and the ventrolateral PFC showed changes which suggest that mindfulness meditation interacts with emotions not by stifling them or suppressing them but by surveying and keeping track of emotions.

In expert practitioners there are different effects in the brain. The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) which is involved in attention and control, shows signs of increased activation in meditators with advanced experience. Unlike beginners, advanced meditators do not activate their ventrolateral PFC as much indicating a more automatic acceptance of emotions instead of the purposeful monitoring of emotions that was evident in beginner practitioners. This would mean a less effortful process of emotional regulation.

Besides these variations across studies, most studies have found that certain parts of the brain do react to meditation practice. These areas are:

  • Frontopolar cortex: meta-awareness
  • Sensory cortices and insula: body awareness
  • Hippocampus:  memory  
  • Anterior cingulate, mid-cingulate, and orbitofrontal cortex:  emotional regulation
  • Superior longitudinal fasciculus and corpus callosum: intra/inter hemispherical communication

This article by Tang, Holzel, and Posner surveyed a significant amount research articles that related to different types of meditation and mindfulness. Some of the specific articles they examine reflect more conclusive findings. I am excited to see what research in the areas of mindfulness and meditation will find next and what it can tell us about the effects of mindfulness meditation on our emotional well-being.

Why I Care About Mindfulness and So Can You

By: Olivia

Today I throw myself into the dangerous world of blogging in order to share my learning journey about mindfulness.

A few disclaimers before I start…

  1. I am not a medical professional,
  2. I am not a professional of any kind, except possibly a professional procrastinator,
  3. It might be a good idea to consult with a doctor or mental health professional before doing any of the crazy things I’m going to suggest are good for you.

Maybe you’ve heard about this mindfulness thing before in a book, maybe you know someone who practices it, or maybe you have absolutely no clue what mindfulness is and you only clicked on this post to look at the pretty pictures. I want to clear up a few things about mindfulness:

  • What is mindfulness?
  • Is mindfulness for you?
  • How do you start?

I recently moved away from home to start at a new college and apart from learning facts and figures in all my classes, I also a learned a lot about myself. I started to find that a lot of the things I did, thoughts I had, and feelings I felt were based in anxiety. One of the things that helped me the most was practicing mindfulness. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, mindfulness isn’t a one time thing that fixes your life, it’s an ongoing process.

Read More »

High Expectations

Good afternoon everyone! I hope this Monday has been a good one for you. I started this morning with doing some laundry, coffee, and some good ‘ole organization. I also took the time to reflect on past weeks and how I have been doing.

Last Monday I had a meeting with one of my professors about my approach to the readings in her class. I have realized, making the transition from community college to legitimate college, has been easier than I had hoped. What really has been difficult though is trying to understand the language used. And I vocalized these feelings to her, and you know what she said?

“You need to lower your expectations for yourself!”

WHAT? Me? Lower my expectations? How could I ? I know what I am capable of. But goodness later that day I realized she was right. Not just did she mean lower my expectations for myself academically, but also emotionally.

At 5:00 pm on September 19, 2016, I had my first severe panic attack. I began trembling at first, shallow breathing, feeling like everything was caving in, then came the uncontrollable crying. I was on the bathroom floor surrounded by my roommate and my two best friends, holding me while I cried. As far as I remember, I couldn’t talk, couldn’t think, which is probably why I don’t remember what happened for that hour.

I kept quiet about it for awhile because I didn’t want people to think that I couldn’t handle what was placed in front of me (school, relationships, changes in general). But I need to realize that I am not always 100% okay or capable of being perfect all that time. I, and a lot of people, need to lower our expectations, and give ourselves room to breathe and understand that we aren’t always where we want to be. I’m allowed to cry as much as I need, I’m allowed to have breakdowns, YOU are allowed to cry, YOU are allowed to breakdown. Just don’t apologize for it. That was something I realized while all this was happening, was that I seemed to apologize a lot when it was all coming down. Why should you apologize for expressing your feelings? Stand strong, cry if you need to, but you don’t need to apologize.

BREATHE. You got this.